The Characters

The Characters

As you read through these whiskey stories, there are some recurring characters, all friends and acquaintances of mine. Some names and details have been changed for all the usual reasons. They are listed roughly in the order of their appearance in my stories.

Shelby: Daughter of The Preacher. Aspiring bartender. Sweet girl. Like a daughter to me. Sadly, has moved to San Diego. But I still keep up with her and hope to visit her soon.

Beardy McManbun: Every hipster bartender I meet.

Weiss Whiskey: My holy grail. An illegal whiskey from the 1800s, currently being made by some old guy in the Panhandle. No one knows how to get a bottle.

Valentine & Napoleon Bonaparte Weiss: The men who started Weiss Whiskey back in the 1800s. They died before their distillery could get a license.

The Preacher: Ah yes, the preacher. We both had religion back in the day when he was a preacher and I went to his church. Neither of us have any truck with that anymore. We had an “incident” years ago in a land far away. I lost an eye and gained a soul brother. That’s all I’ve said about that. He’s rough and gentle, sacred and profane, philosopher and part-time drunkard. I don’t know what else to say about him. He kind of comes and goes, popping in and out of my life.

Daniel Whittington: Chancellor of the Whiskey Marketing School and whiskey wizard who lives in a tower in Austin with his wondrous whiskey vault. I’m pretty sure Daniel knows more about Weiss Whiskey than he’s letting on. And he crafted Diamondback whiskey. We’ve become friends. I like him. Update: Turns out Daniel doesn’t live in the tower after all. That was a surprise to me. Not the first or last time I’ve been wrong about something.

Tommy: Security and general do-all-sortsa-shit guy at the Wizard Tower. Threw me off the campus a couple of times because I was shouting at Daniel in the tower, trying to get him to let me in.

The Unnamed Woman: That would be my sweetheart who passed away 18 years ago. I keep her name to myself.

Diamondback Whiskey: Another mysterious whiskey I was seeking. This one I found. It’s a custom whiskey blend made by Daniel and featured in a film called Tertium Quid. I was an extra in that film.

Screenplay McGee (The writer guy): The guy who wrote the screenplay to the film I ended up in. He and the director made me an extra on account of the way I look. I also went to his house once and he gave me some Diamondback.

Deb & Emma: Two nice ladies from Dripping Springs who kicked my ass in an Islay Scotch drinking contest. I hope to go back one day and redeem myself.

The Old Man: The great great grandson (I don’t know how many greats) of the Weiss brothers. According to the scant information I’ve uncovered, he makes whiskey according to his family tradition and using VERY old fashioned methods. He lives up in the Panhandle near Llano, or so they say. I met him once years ago and had my first and only taste of his magnificent whiskey. I’ve been looking for it and him ever since.

Tycho & Albertus: Two imaginary, foul-mouthed alchemist apprentices that I created in homage to the unknown alchemist who invented whiskey long, long ago.

Seamus & Ireland: My Irish buddy in San Antonio. We almost came to blows, but he cured me of my prejudice, malice, and wickedness with regards to his homeland. Verily I did repent and am now a fan of the Emerald Isle and her whiskeys.

The Sumbitch who left a bottle of Monkey Shoulder on my porch: I don’t know who the fuck this guy is, but someone out there knows my name and where I live. My identity is a closely guarded secret. I’m a private sort of fella. So I don’t like that someone out there knows who I am and where I live. I’m hoping he never comes back and want to formally remind him that Texas is an open-carry state.

Reggie: A clumsy, goofball friend of the preacher and me. Kind of our mascot I guess you could say.